I would buy your autobiography.
Sam Spratt was born on August 30th, 1988 in the small town of Eugene, Oregon. He wore giant glasses, turquoise jumpsuits, and velcro slip-on shoes until the age of 11. He then moved around a bunch as a horribly unpopular/unnoticed teenager, went through a punk phase which didn’t aid in remedying that, went to art school only because a chick he liked was going there, left the girl, kept the art, and now draws pictures for a living in New York City.
That’ll be $39.99